Children and Death
Josette Luvmour, PhD
Introduction
Around age nine, children typically become aware of their mortality as final. Previously, their relationship with the world was based on body-centered sensory explorations with appropriate egocentric reference. At around age nine or so, there is a transition from body-centered exploration to a realization of their place in the larger universe. This shift marks a significant developmental moment as they recognize their own insignificance in the grand scheme of things. The perception of filling up the world comes to an end.
The awareness of personal mortality around age nine has long been recognized psychologically, yet its profound impact on children has often been overlooked. This oversight is unsurprising in a society that prioritizes themes of separation, individualism, conquest, and progress, often shying away from discussions about death. Consequently, there has been minimal focus on how children perceive death or the pivotal moment when they confront it as an inevitable aspect of life.
Impact of mortality awareness
Natural Learning Relationships (NLR), our holistic approach to child development and parenting, maps the evolution of consciousness in children. From this perspective, a child's increasing awareness of death marks a significant turning point in childhood, initiating a shift in how values and meaning are understood and organized in their world.
As a result of this shift in awareness, the child's worldview undergoes a significant transformation at this juncture. Understanding the concept of mortality challenges the child’s perception of the body as immortal, fostering a capacity for more complex emotional experiences. This realization sparks a strong desire to connect with the realms beyond death and to be profoundly inspired. Primarily, children seek people who are genuinely trustworthy along with reliable information. This shift heralds a reevaluation of family and community values, emphasizing the importance of forming meaningful interpersonal relationships. Consequently, humility and a reverence for the sacredness of life become prominent aspects of the child's consciousness, imbued with newfound meaning-making.
Each of these shifts serves as a clear indication for guidance from respected elders. How can we address these fundamental needs? What are the signals through which children communicate their apprehensions about mortality? Which approaches foster a nurturing environment conducive to the holistic well-being of all family members?
Societal Implications
How can children foster psychological well-being if they lack guidance during this critical period of innocence and vulnerability? This lack of support often perpetuates a negative cycle. Without the needed assistance to navigate newfound awareness of mortality when it's most needed, children may develop a sense of detachment from themselves and life. This feeling of isolation can solidify into beliefs of human separateness and loneliness, reinforced by cultural, religious, and economic influences. As a result, feeling disconnected and adrift becomes normalized. Parents and educators, influenced by this narrative, may overlook the importance of addressing these challenges. Natural Learning Relationships (NLR) offers solutions to these complex issues. For instance, children of this age naturally seek trustworthy mentors who can openly share their feelings without hidden agendas. Our role is to be fair, honest, and adaptable with a good attitude toward life's changes.
With genuine intentions and compassion, elders often perceive children aged 8 to 12 as either little kids or approaching adolescence. Unfortunately, this perspective overlooks the significant developmental age during which lessons about relationships, community, fairness, and justice need to be imparted. Just as children were supported in learning to walk and talk during their earlier years, awareness of personal mortality must also be nurtured during the middle years of a child’s life. The societal cost of neglecting this crucial aspect is truly disheartening (e.g., emotional challenges such an anxiety, lack of resilience, existential distress, loss of spiritual connection, or inability to navigate life’s challenges).
Solutions
We often refer to parenting as "the quiet revolution." It's imperative that we adopt a different approach now for the sake of our children. By addressing their fundamental needs as whole individuals, they can grow in greater awareness and better health. This, in turn, enables our children to lead lives that contribute to their own well-being, that of their communities, and humanity as a whole. Natural Learning Relationships offers a non-dogmatic and non-sectarian pathway to achieve this goal.
TRANSFORM A LIFE — PARENT MINDFULLY — TRANSFORM THE WORLD
